There are words and phrases that irritate people. I personally have my list (and no, I’m not going to talk about “perfect” again).. Sometimes these are from overuse. There are a million and one articles on overused business cliches that tell me I’m not alone. Some phrases annoy me because I have knowledge of where the saying originated – being a well of useless information isn’t always a good thing! A few are nonsensical, personal annoyances at the way many people talk. This includes looking side-eye at the phrase “we won” spoken by people who only watched the sporting event. But putting my personal grievances aside, there is a reason you should listen carefully to the words used by other people. And why you should be aware of your own word choices. Quite simply… word choices matter.
Words are how we communicate. They are how we express our thoughts, ideas, emotions, and convictions. They allow others to understand us. And if you pay close attention to word choice, you notice patterns that help you identify someone’s qualities and characters. You can begin to uncover biases and sentiments, even those that may be unconscious or buried.
A Fairly Obvious Business Example:
You are in a meeting with someone talking about something new going on in your company next week. It’s fully vetted and actively in progress. The person you’re speaking with seems engaged, excited, and asks appropriate questions. They talk about how this new thing is a benefit to them. They ask questions about how soon it will be active/available/accessible. There’s an open dialog about wanting to be involved and offering assistance. Everything is optimistic and affirming.
But there are little sprinklings of commentary during the discussion.
- That’s a good idea in theory…
- I really like the idea; it could really help us improve our customer perception.
- So, we theoretically have a new…
- The proof is in the pudding…
- It could work…
These statements taken together indicate that regardless of how vocal the other person is in support of your company’s new thing, they have reservations and doubt. Maybe they doubt the impact will be as great as you believe. Perhaps they question something will be delivered. They might have reservations about the ability of you and your team to be the ones to be successful.
Contrast with the following:
- That’s going to be a good (whatever).
- I really like (the thing). It will help us improve perception by…
- The new (thing) is going to…, so we can…
- Ok, our first target will be…
Note that the softer, less assertive words are missing. Idea, theory, could, and equivalents of “we’ll see.” If the other party in the discussion is using more assertive and confident words, they likely have faith and belief in whatever that new thing is from your company.
Another Example
You’re meeting with a possible job candidate. The technical responses align with their background and strike interest in the local subject matter expert. The candidate is articulate and polished in their responses. But despite the nearly textbook interview, something feels off about the candidate. In this case, the word choices used by the candidate speak to underlying beliefs that are at odds with the team culture and the job for which they are applying. While the answers were technically correct, the way the candidate speaks (and the word choices) indicate that the candidate’s beliefs are not in line with their answers. They are instead providing the answer that they think you want to hear.
- When asked about feedback and criticism, the candidate tells you they are humble and receptive to feedback. However:
- In a later comment the candidate says they “have to be right” and they always know the best answers.
- The candidate states at a different time in the interview that they know more than their leadership team, and the attitude displayed is one of being dismissive to criticism.
- When asked about personal growth, the candidate does not address a growth in their own skills or qualities, and instead talks about changes in tasks or company focus.
- While the role the candidate is applying to is a support role to other groups, the word choices imply that the candidate has an assumption of being one of (if not the) most important people in the room.
- They discuss “willing to step down” into another role to learn what it involves.
- One answer states that the candidate is willing to “get hands dirty” with the people he’d be interacting with.
- Word choices imply the candidate thinks other roles were worth less, even though these other roles would be more knowledgeable, more critical to the day-to-day business. Mildly demeaning title slang is used and comments that seem dismissive.
- The candidate answers also seem to imply they are applying for a more advanced and senior leader role.
- Responses to questions are focused on how they would guide others in task completion, rather than how they would approach tasks themselves.
- The candidate is “willing to” do the primary responsibilities of the job.
(As a side note, this is based loosely on a real-life situation. I did decline the candidate, and later ran across someone who knew them in another business. The assumptions made on word choices turned out to be correct. I have no doubt that person is a wonderful asset in a different company and a different role, but they were not a fit at that particular place and time.)
A Matter of Respect
And finally, we also need to be mindful that our word choices can convey respect or disrespect towards another person.
- Do word choices seem dismissive?
- “Ok, yeah, but…”?
- Be careful that some word choices are confrontational or derogatory:
- “Listen [girly/lady]”
- “Look you …”?
- Or are you using words that reflect listening, empathy, and respect?
- “What I’m understanding is…”
- “I appreciate your feedback.”
- “I see your point, but I disagree because…”
While we may not intend to be deceitful, hurtful, or use those annoying buzz words / phrases, things can slip into our regular conversations – particularly when emotions or stress runs high! When you start paying attention to the words used around you, you also start to pay closer attention to your own. And when we pay attention to our word choices, we can have clearer communications.
