In my previous post, I’ve been focusing primarily on the mentoring relationship from the mentee perspective. However, I place as much emphasis on being a mentor as well.
When you become a mentor, you have the opportunity to share your experiences, provide new thoughts and perspectives, or suggest alternative tactics and options. You become the outside voice. As a mentor, not the boss or the employee, you can be a step removed from the daily problems to provide an outside perspective.
And you gain from it as well!
Holding mentoring discussions has always been beneficial for me. After having a chat with my mentee, I found myself pondering topics to discuss with my own leadership. Or concepts that I felt would help other people on my team. Sometimes the mentoring sessions were simple chats around how to handle particular situations – which helped me reflect on whether I was practicing what I preached. Other times they were growth and development, which always makes me feel good to be helping someone else advance themselves. And then at times we had philosophical discussions, which frequently led me to think on the topics later and spun off a series of subsequent chats or activities.
Creating a mentoring relationship allows you to reconnect with things that may no longer be part of your daily world but are faced by others. You can consider past struggles and how you moved past them. Your mentee may challenge you with a unique situation that causes you to exercise one of your rustier skills. And of course, you grow through fostering a connection with another person, building deeper empathy and appreciation in general.
Finding a Mentee
It’s a little bit harder to seek out a mentee than it is to seek out a mentor (it’s a little more difficult to determine if someone will want to learn from you), but there are ways that this can be done.
The most straightforward to is simply offer. Is there someone in your organization that you feel has a lot of potential and could progress further with additional coaching & mentoring? Some of my best mentoring connections came about because I saw a junior member of the team that I felt had the qualities to progress to something more senior. In these cases, I simply approached them. “Hey there Andy. You know, I think you are doing an amazing job. I think you have a lot of capability to move into something more senior. If you have any interest, I would be happy to help provide some mentorship to you. And if you’re not interested, that’s ok too! Just know that I think you’re doing great!”
Of course… sincerity is key here. Mentoring is not corrective. As a mentor, you are not there to fix someone. You are there to help someone!
If this doesn’t work for you, there are other ways to help connect. Does your company offer a formal program where you can offer your experience? In this case, the company will likely assign a mentee to you. Perhaps you can talk to your upstream leadership or friends / connections for someone they could help pair you with. Or look for volunteer opportunities in your community! There are usually non-profits or services that can use people with diverse skills to help others.
Being a Mentor
As you prepare to become a mentor, think about the following:
- Let the mentee determine what they want to learn. While you can provide some guidance, this relationship is aimed at helping the mentee.
- For example, if you approach someone that you would like to mentor, your guidance may be “I think you have a lot of potential to become a member of senior management. Would you like to work with me on developing your leadership skills? (If yes) What area would you like to work on?”
- Remember – you are there to help! You are not there to correct or fix.
- How much time can you devote to the mentee? How often can you meet, and for how long? Be realistic – don’t make empty commitments.
- If someone has approached you – be honored (and humbled)! This person looks up to you or your qualities and wants to learn from you.
As a mentor, you’ll need to work on some of those leadership skills too! Remember, you’re not “the boss” and you’re not there to be “the friend.” However, at times, you’ll need to employ skills from both roles:
Key Mentoring Skills
- LISTENING – First and foremost, be an active listener. I cannot stress this enough. The discussions, activities, etc. are for the mentee’s gain. So listen to what they want to discuss, how much they want to talk, and encourage them to take the more active role in your meetings.
- Trustworthy – Approach the mentoring relationship as a “safe space” for the mentee. Whenever I start a mentoring relationship with someone, I always assure them that their chats with me are confidential… within generally accepted terms of confidentiality. Of course I won’t protect them if they break rules or laws, and there are obligations around what I’m required to report (such as if they are doing something illegal or harmful). However, the things they talk about to me generally do not get reported to their leadership or to others without their express permission.
- Empathy – Try to understand the point of view of your mentee. This does not mean you have to agree, but you want to try to consider why they may be feeling, thinking, or acting in a certain way. Being able to speak with your mentee from a point of understanding helps them feel comfortable with you. They may trust you more. And you may connect better on important discussions.
This can extend beyond your mentee as well. If your mentee is talking about an issue with their staff, being able to consider the possible thought processes of both your mentee and their team can help you provide different points of view. Being able to speak with your mentee from a point of understanding helps them feel comfortable with you.
- Openness / Transparency – Be open and vulnerable with your mentee. Be willing to share and be transparent about the good and the bad. Listen to what it is that your mentee needs help with, and be open about your thoughts. If you agree, fantastic. If you don’t, you need to be willing to be open and transparent (tactfully) about the why.
And as difficult as it may be, be willing to share your own weaknesses or challenges. Many times people feel isolated in their negative feelings.
“Everyone is so organized, but it doesn’t work for me.”
“I am failing at xxx… How do these other leaders be so successful all the time?”
If you’re helping a mentee through one of these challenges, be open about your own struggles. This isn’t a “misery loves company” – don’t wallow! But there is power in common experience. Remember, they want to learn from you. And we learn as much, if not more, from failure as we do success.
- Coaching (when appropriate) – Although you are not there to correct or fix your mentee, there are times when coaching is appropriate. Maybe your mentee specifically asks for help on how to do a certain thing. Or maybe a particular talk turns into a coaching by nature of the topic. This is ok. Just remember, you are coaching not correcting. Whether your mentee chooses to act and follow through is up to them. You are a guide, not the boss.
- Objective – And finally, try to remain objective. This is one of your values as the “outside voice.” You do not gain from the outcome of the situation, so you can help provide an impartial view. You can help your mentee see a different perspective. Or you may help them with their own perspective. You may sometimes agree or disagree, but to help your mentee really grow, you need to encourage them to expand their own ability to analyze or contemplate on a situation.
A mentoring relationship can be rewarding for everyone involved! I encourage you to become a mentor and help someone else learn and grow.
