During my career, I’ve been mentored, and I have been a mentor. I have been involved in formal and informal programs, using both individual and group settings. Regardless of how they are structured, I will always champion mentoring relationships.
Mentoring is something that I highly encourage for most people. In particular, people early in their careers or someone moving into a new level of their profession (being promoted into management, into a senior level, etc.). Mentoring is also beneficial for people that want to prepare themselves for what comes next. It’s helpful if you’re looking to advance your career or learn new skills. While your direct manager will doubtless be a source of information and guidance – at least, we hope they will be – having a mentor unlocks added benefits unlike those you can find in other relationships.
The Mentoring Relationship
Your mentor is likely to be many things for you. Someone who has had experience with what you’re going through (or what you want to start doing). A confidant who can help you navigate challenging situations. A teacher who can share knowledge. An outside perspective who can make you think differently about something. At times a cheerleader, and at times the hard coach who pushes you. They may inspire you, challenge you, or simply be an open ear.
A few things to remember about your mentoring relationship:
- Your mentor is not one of your friends (although friendships can develop from mentorship and friends can become mentors). They may tell you things even if you don’t want to hear them… and they may not always be “on your side” like a friend would be.
- Your mentor is not typically in your direct upstream hierarchy. Having a mentor who is not part of your management line creates a safe place where you can discuss items affecting your position without fear of reprisal.
- Your mentor could be in your company, although having a mentor who is not part of your firm or at minimum not a part of your immediate organization has added benefits. An outside person helps to generate a different view by someone who is not invested in the existing workplace politics or other challenges.
A mentoring relationship affords an opportunity to learn from someone with the dynamics of power reversed. In most teacher/student or manager/employee relationships, the balance of power is often weighted towards the person with more experience. The teacher imparts knowledge based on what they want (or are instructed) to teach. The manager supplies direction based on the skills they want you to develop, the goals outlined, and the work they want to see accomplished. However, in a mentoring relationship, this dynamic is reversed. In a good mentoring relationship, the mentee provides the guidance on what they want to learn or what they want to achieve from the partnership, and the mentor is in the supporting role.
Structuring Your Relationship
As a mentee, think about the following items:
- What do you want to gain from the relationship? Have a goal in mind. Note that as time goes on, you can edit or expand this goal, but you must be in the “driver’s seat” for how this relationship helps you.
- Who would you like to have as a mentor, and why? Are you looking for someone who has “been there and done that”? Is it because there are traits you admire?
- How often do you want to meet? What is going to be most beneficial to you, and is this something that your desired mentor can accommodate, or do you need to find another?
- How long do you want to continue the relationship? This isn’t to say that mentoring partnerships can’t last a long time – in fact, they frequently do! Many people who have been part of mentoring relationships stay in touch long after the regular meetings cease… and once a mentor, always a mentor.
When you find your mentor (or when they find you), take a bit of time early on to discuss these points. Establish the initial “ground rules” so you both have a good starting point for the relationship, and you will likely find that it organically evolves based on the chemistry between you.
We’ll talk more later on becoming a mentor in another post – I’ve often had people who were mentees in a program eagerly offer to become mentors themselves.
Mentoring is an invaluable part of the growth and development cycle. It provides another, more personalized, avenue for you to develop your skills. Get involved in a program, or find yourself someone to guide you, and unlock your potential.
