Leading By Example – Both The Good and The Bad

When I was in college, I had someone become grumpy with me because I had unconsciously begun imitating behaviors of a new friend, which were apparently behaviors they did not like.  After working with someone closely for 15 years, I had adopted so many of his thought patterns and mannerisms that we could relatively easily substitute for each other in the business and referred to as “the old married couple.”  I have watched person after person on my team begin to emulate my work habits, my phrases, and other behaviors. Unfortunately, not all of those were good.  If I called them out on the bad (such as working too many long days, not taking enough vacation), I was often met with the “pot, meet kettle” reaction.

Behavior Emulation

It is human nature to pick up mannerisms from those around us.  The more time you spend with someone, the more pronounced this becomes.  This becomes further amplified if we like or admire someone. We emulate those we view as successful, feeling that their personality traits helped get them there.  As a leader, this is both a benefit and a drawback.  Your team will eventually start to pick up small pieces of you and adopt them as their own. Sometimes this happens consciously, sometimes not.  If you surround yourself with likeminded individuals who display similar or complementary traits, this effect is compounded.  Yet another reason to embrace diversity, but that’s another post.

This natural human behavior is one of several reasons why it becomes important for you to “walk the talk” as a leader.  If I want my leadership team to display empathy and connection with their staff, I cannot simply tell them this is how I want them to act.  I must demonstrate this myself.  If I want my front-line staff to be kind, empathetic, and courteous with customers, I must set the tone myself by how they see me interact with everyone around me.  People have different skills that they bring into an organization. However, I cannot expect my team members to act in a way that is drastically different from how I behave.  People emulate what they observe, and teams pick up culture from the people surrounding them.

Bad Behaviors Are Noticed Too

As leaders, we must also be mindful of passing on our bad habits to those around us.  Sometimes, it can even be a perception of a bad habit.  I had team members who were convinced that I was regularly working 12-hour days. They would comment that I was putting in 70-hour work weeks.  They in turn began working long hours, including working on weekends.  No matter how much I tried to stop this behavior, the attitude persisted.  On the one hand, I appreciated their dedication and drive. But I do not want my teams working long and crazy hours.  Aside from stress and burnout, I firmly believe in diminishing returns and the need to unplug and walk away.  Was I really working such long hours myself?  No, I was not – not regularly anyway.  While I certainly am guilty of working long days and on weekends when the situation calls for it, it was not my normal routine.  However, I was always available via my phone and would respond to the “quick answer” email or chat message at odd hours. This created the perception that I was actively working at nearly all hours of the day and night.

Addressing Behaviors – Including Your Own

So how do we use this to the best effect?  First, be aware and mindful of it.  I do not pretend with my team to have personality traits that I do not, but I purposefully display (or downplay) actions based on the values I want to endorse.  For example, my natural tendency is to be quieter and reserved with people I don’t know. But at work when I am out among the front-line team members, I work to be outgoing, energetic, and engaging to help foster an open and inviting culture.  Embrace the mantra “I will not ask of others what I will not do myself.”  Own your quirks (we’ll talk more about that later). Embrace your personality, own your shortcomings, and shine in your strengths.

Where to begin putting this into practice?  Start with one thing.  As an example, do you want your team to stop multitasking during meetings?  Show them how!  Turn on your own camera for video conferences, close your chat and email, and let your team see you focusing on them.  Take notes if the act of writing will help increase your focus… but be careful you don’t get so deep into those that they become their own distraction!  Make influencing team perception part of your “little bit better” in your personal growth and development (not perfection – that’s another post too).