It’s important to spend regular time with your employees. We meet to ensure they are meeting objectives and following through on commitments. If they are facing a barrier, I try to help knock it down. However, it can be far too easy to become focused on performance and overlook the thing that keeps teams together: connection. In among the discussions of what people are doing, it’s important to pause and ask how people are doing. This becomes increasingly important as companies attempt to do more with less, become more global in their reach, and virtual discussions replace in-person conversations.
Why Not Talk Performance?
Periodically we must step back during our regular one on one meetings with our employees and say: “I don’t want to talk about projects, metrics, or general work today. I want to know how you’re doing.” Are people stressed? Are they feeling confident? Stagnant? Distracted by home events? Many of these things may come out during those casual “hallway chats” in between meetings. But I find that dedicating the time to this conversation reinforces the importance of human connection and emphasizes your care of others to your team.
For my regular staff meetings, I dedicate time in my calendar every other week for my employees to speak to me one on one. (There’s another post on one-on-one coaching.) This is their time to speak to me about anything on their minds. Because of the nature of our environments, and because people like to show their boss how they are handling things, much of the time these meetings become discussions around projects, hiring, performance metrics, or issues they are encountering that need my attention.
Some people talk with me freely when they are feeling stressed, tired, or when something exciting is going on. A few even give personal status updates at the beginning of our meetings when I ask “how are things going?” Others are immediately focused on the business updates and their agenda list. They only share feelings if I take the time to specifically ask how things are going. So periodically, with both groups of individuals, I like to ask specifically how they are doing – particularly when I know they are in stressful times. I ask it as a sincere question of how they are feeling, how they are coping with whatever stresses are present, and their general well-being, not just a general pleasantry.
Why Focus on Asking “How Are You Doing?”
First, I must stress this carefully. The question of “How are you doing?” instead of “How are things going?” must be genuine. A fake show of empathy and care can be more detrimental than not asking the question at all. When you ask “how are you doing?” you must have a genuine intent to listen to their issues. What you will hear will likely be as varied as the responses I received from my own teams.
Sometimes I hear things are well. They tell me about positive things going on at home, or good news from the team. We spend a few minutes feeling good about the “wins” that have taken place recently. Other times I hear the opposite. “If I’m being honest, not so good, boss.” Within my teams, I’ve had the good fortune of close relationships where people are comfortable telling me about their outside of work stresses along with whatever is happening in their daily job.
What Happens When You Focus on the “How” instead of the “What”
It’s natural in early days of our reporting relationship that most of the discussion focuses on work. By taking the time to ask about, and care about, how people are doing, I can form connections with them. These personal connections allow me to be aware of when stresses outside of work are mounting. I can help intercede if it’s necessary. People are, after all, not computers. You cannot 100% compartmentalize your life. The good/bad at work leaks into our personal lives and vice versa. Listening for these personal life impacts helps me be a better leader. If someone is acting strangely at work, I may be able to attribute it to something in their personal life, rather than simply saying they are failing at a portion of their job. I can join them in celebrating life’s happy moments and support them when things are difficult in either arena.
I can’t profess to be able to solve all of the issues brought forth. However, we spend the time airing the challenges, talking through strategies to address if it’s something we can tackle, or sharing similar experiences for the sense of connection. This allows my team to know I am available and listening. And it keeps me aware of those that are being over-burdened, or struggling to meet a challenge so I can intercede or provide support as needed. It’s the listening and care that carries the most weight for me. I want my teams to feel they can reach out on any topic. That their concerns are important to me. Even if I cannot help them solve their issues – I am here with them to work through it all together.
