I have been asked to write an article for managers and leaders who are struggling with being “too nice.” Before I begin, I think it is important to note that for this discussion we are going to focus in on two specific facets of leadership style. Being a supportive-style leader compared to being an authoritative, workload-driven leader. But there are many different leadership styles. Do a quick search and you will find an array of articles, charts, images, books, and discussions on how many different styles exist. Each has a time, a place, and a function. In my experience, the best leaders have the ability to blend and shift between these styles as needed by their teams or their business. However, they will tend to be happier if they don’t work against their natural type too frequently. For example, I would not be very happy in an environment where I had to be an autocratic, controlling leader at all hours of the day!
The Struggle of A New Leader – To “Be Nice” or Not
I suspect that many of the people who are struggling with being “too nice” come from environments with challenging management cultures. Perhaps their previous supervisor or manager was hard to get along with, or the employee didn’t feel supported. This could be a direct product of the previous manager’s personality. Or it could be a byproduct of an environment where managers are following specific directives and expectations of their upstream leadership. In the “too nice” manager’s desire to not to be seen a dictatorial or unsupportive (or to not be like their previous poor leaders), they end up going too far in the other direction.
Another factor that can lead to someone being “too nice” is the issue of someone simply wanting to be liked, and fearing that someone in their org is going to have unpleasant views towards them. There are many people pleasers among us – it’s a byproduct of evolution. Being accepted by our tribe won us the ability to increase our chances of survival by not being kicked out to fend for ourselves.
But back to leadership. We have seen leaders within various organizations who swing too far towards one side or the other:
- A very supportive leader who listens and discusses employees’ concerns. However, they do not hold others accountable when expectations are not met. A leader who may be willing to back up their team members on occasion, but are generally conflict-averse, avoiding confrontations and difficult discussions.
- A very effective leader who regularly exceeds their deadlines and targets, but do so by driving their team through excessive productivity measures. A leader who is very clear in expectations, but has little flexibility for alternative points of view. They may even lead through a culture of fear and punishment.
Finding Balance
It is possible to be a leader who is generally liked, respected, and supportive of their teams without being seen as a “wimp” or a pushover. It is also possible to be an effective leader who helps their teams achieve goals, drive innovation, and surpass expectations without becoming draconian or Machiavellian. To achieve this, you must balance the overall set of leadership traits, and not attempt to overcompensate in specific areas. The image below is a sample using a small set of traits. One manager is very high on the “soft skills” while the other is high on the “hard skills.” Neither manager is very well balanced.
Now, as we noted earlier, there may be situations where you need to take an unbalanced approach. You may have someone on your team who only responds to very stark directives or needs to have very blunt and crystal clear instructions to perform. You may have entire teams that have become severely fractured and volatile due to an overly competitive culture, so tactics focused on building a team mentality are needed over an abundance of reports and deadlines.. However, examples as these should largely be situational, and not the day-in / day-out approach. A more balanced approach on the whole will allow better fluidity to meet a dynamic business world.
How to Create Balance
You can help to create this balance through objectives-based leadership and personal goals. Setting and holding to objectives helps create a mechanism of accountability for yourself and your team. Through these objectives, you can create a series of targets to help you develop a more balanced approach. These objectives can be any number of things based on the current need. They can be aimed at culture, communication, metrics, creativity, deadlines, tools, processes, policies, etc. The objectives themselves just form the structure to help create an end-state of better balance.
Manager 1
Let’s say that a manager completes an analysis and realizes that while the team is very good at task completion; they face high turn-over, infighting, and lack team cohesiveness. Perhaps this manager has also received feedback that they are weak in people skills. This manager can create a series of objectives that are structured around team building and culture:
- Hold focus groups once per month to identify job dissatisfiers.
- Create cross-functional training and mentoring opportunities so team members can support each other when high volume workload appears.
- Create an inclusive culture board:
- Solicit a spectrum of team building ideas that appeal to a wide range of team members.
- Hold a variety of events so ideas do not become stale.
- Create a feedback mechanism so team members can raise concerns or praise each other in a secure manner.
- Create a personal goal around being a more attentive listener. Stop multi-tasking during meetings, Give new ideas consideration before making decisions.
Manager 2
By contrast, we have a manager who is struggling with “too nice.” This manager errs towards being accommodating with their staff and struggles to meet targets. They may be very friendly with their staff, but they have a hard time with difficult conversations. In this case, the manager is likely to create a series of objectives that are more business focused and aimed at driving performance.
- Evaluate metrics for task-driven work to determine if the level is appropriate for customer satisfaction.
- Ensure all team members have clearly defined goals and deadlines.
- Create deadlines in partnership with employees to balance business need and ensure employees have a voice in realistic expectations surrounding time required to complete the work.
- Develop accountability mechanisms for missed goals and deadlines.
- Clearly communicate measures with team members and have team acknowledge understanding.
- Create weekly / monthly status reviews, and have team members provide updates.
- Develop an objective scale for measuring progress.
- Create an accountability system to hold team members to expectations.
General Tips for New Managers
There are new managers who worry about going to far towards either end of the examples we’ve given. Barring guidance from their own leadership, I would recommend some basics to get started:
- Ensure all employees have regular one-on-ones with you. Be sure to periodically include connecting discussions, career growth discussions, and other sessions driven by the employee.
- Ensure team members are clear on expectations. For task related work, have specific outlines for deadlines, quantity (if applicable), and quality. Hold team members accountable for missed expectations – follow through! Engage HR and other management team members to aid in structuring punitive measures (if necessary).
- Solicit feedback, listen and discuss ideas, and encourage learning and training for your team. “It’s always been this way” may not be the right answer.
- Review status regularly and discuss corrective measures. Don’t sweep the problem under the rug – those dust bunnies become monsters! Issues are not fixed when they are hidden.
- And hold yourself accountable!! Follow through on your word. If you tell someone that you’ll meet or follow-up with them later, be certain to create the follow-up meeting. If you say that you are going to hold someone accountable, then be sure it is done in a timely manner.
By creating and meeting objectives such as these, managers are demonstrating their commitment to a more balanced leadership approach. You will notice the objective examples we have used involve communication, feedback, and accountability with their teams. Having a culture of omni-directional feedback, accountability, and follow-through will help to increase overall team respect. This does not mean that all employees will like the directions being given, nor does it mean that they will all like each other. But again, it’s about balance. Find the balance and you can move from simply being a nice leader to one who is much more effective.
